It was a comfortable July afternoon, and I had an enthusiastic group of patrons seated before me, eagerly awaiting a fun experience. But no sooner did I start my show when I was confronted with every performer’s least favorite obstacle: chatty parents.
In my early days of Jungle Jim, I took interruptions very personally. I mean, didn't they know that balloons and magic was serious business?! Experience helped me to recognize that I was not performing Hamilton on Broadway, and I learned to relax even when conditions weren't ideal.
Nevertheless, I'm hired to put on a presentation that will get children excited about reading, literacy and their experiences at the library. And while I try not to take myself too seriously, I do take the work earnestly, which is why I do my best to prevent unnecessary distractions from start to finish. Chatty or distracted adults can make or break a show, and planning for them can help your programs succeed.
That afternoon, as I began performing, it was hard not to notice the volume of the adults matching my own (even whilst wearing a microphone!). I made a few announcements to the effect of asking parents to quiet down, but it fell on deaf ears.
I finally went to drastic measures and did what I loathe doing; I stopped the show. The children were confused as I stood there silent. I stared at the parents, and it was uncomfortable to say the least. Once the adults realized that I was no longer performing, they quieted down, and I gently reminded them that this performance was for the children; that it was hard for little ones to hear me over the adults talking; and that it was important to model appropriate behavior for their children.
I really don't like to be that dramatic: confrontations with adults is not my cup of tea. And it may not be appropriate for a librarian who sees the same families week after week. But it's not fair to your audience to have parents completely distracted. Quite frankly, it's rude, not just to me, but to the library hosting the show as well as the children who would like to enjoy it.
And I get it. If you're a parent with a small child or children, you are completely inundated with them all of the time, and particularly for stay-at-home parents, you may have very little interaction with other adults. To be presented with 45 minutes of what feels like free time has to seem like such an opportunity.
But entertainers and librarians have a job to do, and even though it's sometimes perceived to be child care, that's not the case. We need to remind the adults at our programs what their role is, namely taking care of their children and being a good example for impressionable little ones.
Here are my three tips on managing adults at programs:
Number one, set appropriate expectations. When I first started performing I didn't really know how to do this. I would just start my act, and as a result it took my audience some time to get used to the rhythm of the performance. This included the adults, who would often talk over me. I remember trying to get louder than them to know avail (spoiler alert: adults will just talk louder than you, providing your audience with a strange cacophonous experience).
I learned to immediately set the rules for my show. They've evolved over the years, but my rules come down to what my expectations are for the children, but also for the adults present.
When I first started instructing parents, I felt so uncomfortable. Who was I to lay out how adults should behave? However, I’ve learned how important it is to speak to the parents directly about what is expected from them. An explanation of why it's important for them (particularly keeping their voices down) is key.
There's a balance as well, as you don't want to be so heavy-handed that they resent you or feel offended. Another performer shared a technique he uses: when he has disruptive parents, he would choose a volunteer, and hand them a sign that said “Shhh!” The child would then be instructed to walk around the audience and show this large sign to parents. I myself would not go that far, as I feel like there may be negative repercussions, but I appreciate the directness of the message.
I also mention that any children 4 years old and younger needs to stay with an adult at all times. Why 4? To motivate the parents of the 2 and 3-year-olds to (hopefully) stay with their children. And why an adult? So that a toddler doesn’t get dumped into the lap of an older sibling who is there to enjoy the program.
Number two, Don't be afraid to be silent. None of us want to be responsible for adults not regulating their own behavior, but it does fall to our shoulders when patrons do not behave in the way that they should. I've never led a storytime, but I know the challenge of talkative parents is one that many librarians face on a weekly basis.
And to top it off, I have the advantage of being a novel act, someone they most likely haven’t seen before. As your audience gets more comfortable within your performance space (and yes, storytime is a performance!), they will lose some of their inhibitions, namely chatting with their friends.
I'm not going to lie, leading a presentation and having all eyes on you puts pressure on every presenter; stopping the program or storytime in the middle may feel inappropriate or impolite. It is most certainly awkward and uncomfortable, especially the first few times you do it, but you will be amazed how much it gets the point across. Remember, your goal is a presentation everyone can enjoy, and you're helping these parents to model positive behavior for their children.
Number three, explain why it's important. I recently officiated my friend's wedding, and as I was leaving the podium, I saw someone I hadn't seen for a while. We started chatting until all of a sudden I could hear the shushes coming from everywhere. The best man had started his speech, and there I was talking loudly. I was mortified. Of all people, I should know better. I forgot where I was, and what was expected of me.
Parents forget that their own words and actions are so important, and in programs even more so. This is why it's so critical to explain what’s expected of caregivers. My rules are pretty straightforward. I explain that keep any conversations to a quiet whisper; that children ages 4 and under need to stay with their parents (which will help keep those adults a bit more focused); and that cell phones and pagers need to be put on silent.
Yes, pagers. No one has a pager in 2022. But it’s a small joke and it lightens the heaviness of the rules. Any time you can add a bit of humor, you get your patrons on your side, which is never a bad thing.
Look, you shouldn’t have to deal with adults not respecting your work, and you should have the freedom to deliver the programs and storytimes your young patrons deserve. Managing adults is part of the job, and having a plan of attack will help you create more energizing and smooth programs. This will in turn deliver a better experience not just for you and the children, but for the parents as well.
I always enjoy talking to librarians and comparing notes after the performance. Librarians and children’s performers have a lot in common. We serve similar audiences, and are responsible for managing not just children but adults as well. And while I have a great deal of experience, I’m so excited to learn from others. Please feel free to put your best tips on managing adults down below!
